VA-Sen: Jim Gilmore Looks Terrible Right Out of the Gate

To help kick off his Senate, um, campaign, Jim Gilmore released an announcement video:



MyDD's Beeton dubbed the video the "Worst. Announcement. Video. Ever." Although I haven't seen every single announcement video ever, I'm inclined to agree. Beeton touches on some of Gilmore's video's style issues: "Gilmore's video is dark, the camera is static and Gilmore looks shifty, uncomfortable and bored." Very true. Now, let's run through the actual text of Gilmore's announcement video, every single cringe-worthy sentence.

These are challenging times for our country. We're threated by terrorism, concerned about a difficult war, stuck in traffic,

Holy cow! Did Gilmore actually list "traffic" as the number three challenge for our country behind terrorism and Bush's Iraq War (which he only refers to as "a difficult war" without using the word "Iraq")? The traffic in Virginia must be really bad. Like, terrorism bad.

dissatisfied with how our children are educated, and too often our culture seems more interested in the latest doings of tabloid celebrities than the debates that could decide our country's future.

Damn Virginia voters caring more about Paris Hilton than the real issues. Good for Jim Gilmore for taking a stand against against those particular Virginia voters.

Of course serious problems and crises are nothing new for America. But today I'm sorry to say we also find too often that our leaders just aren't up to the challenge. America has a lot of work to do and doesn't have the right leaders to do it.

Our leaders "aren't up to the task" and we don't have "the right leaders"??? Well, who are Virginia's leaders? President Bush, whose job Gilmore unsuccessfully tried to get. Virginia's senior Senator John Warner, whose job Gilmore is unsuccessfully trying to get. These are Virginia's leaders. Is Gilmore saying John Warner isn't "up to the task"? Is Gilmore bashing John Warner? If not, to which "leaders" is Gilmore referring?

It would be easy to be disheartened; but, you know something, there are a lot of causes for hope, too. We're the greatest country in the world, not because of our politicians, but because of our people

Our people who are "more interested in the latest doings of tabloid celebrities" than real issues? Are these the people you're proud of, Jim? I thought those people represented a challenge for our country. Maybe there are different people.

and our great institutions. And, as far as I can see, our institutions are very much intact and can be built upon. These institutions instill in every American a sense of fair play, a desire for equal justice, economic opportunity, and a deep love for a land of liberty called the United States of America.

OK, now what does all of that have to do with you, Jim?

We haven't lost what's down deep in all of us and what really keeps us together despite all the problems that seem to have descended on us of late. The kind of leaders we need would build on these strengths rather than add to our troubles.

I see Gilmore's platform now! "Strengths good; troubles bad; vote Gilmore!" It's a winner!

I'm running for the United States Senate from Virginia because I want to be one of those leaders who call on the spirit that's common in all of us

You want to be one of those leaders? You're not already one of those leaders? Cuz, bad news, Jimmy, Mark Warner is already one of those leaders. No training necessary.

and use it to restore our country for the benefit of our people and in the eyes of the world.

Did something happen to the perception of the United States "in the eyes of the world"? Who let that happen? It was probably one of those fake leaders who Gilmore says isn't "up to the task."

I'm a veteran, having served our country in Army Counterintelligence

No joke here. Thank you for your military service.

and I'm a former law enforcement official. I can offer Virginians unparalleled experience and a strong and steady hand in the Senate. I was Governor of Virginia when our nation was struck on September the 11th and I helped Virginia deal with the aftermath of the attack on the Pentagon.

Ummm, Jim, just physically being there the moment an attack happened is not a qualification. It's really sickening when Bush or Giuliani or, now, Gilmore say "I was there when it happened, so I'm qualified."

It was a time of great challenge. It was also a time when Virginia and America came together to work for the common good.

Do we not work together for the common good anymore? Has the nation become polarized? How -Rove- did -Bush- that -Cheney- happen?

That's the type of leadership we need today to address the vital issues facing the citizens of our Commonwealth.

Vital issues, like the horrible traffic I hear so much about.

Issues like national security, transportation, education, and immigration. On all these issues, our leaders have let us down and we badly need new hands at the wheel. And in the last year, we've unfortunately seen that these failures are not just unique to one political Party.

Again with the leaders letting us down. How bad of a Senator does Jim Gilmore think John Warner is? Or is he referring to another leader for Virginia? Jim, clue us in. Oh, and if Gilmore is looking for a policy advisor on immigration, I know a guy who might have some advice for him.

It's time for a change.

If it's time for a "change," why would Virginians want the same old guy who already failed in Virginia, like, a decade ago and who is of the same political Party as the current retiring Senator? Jim, how is that change? (Jim caught on; "change" is a word that tests well, so he uses it even though he'll change nothing whatsoever. Nothing.)

We could do better and we have to. [Cue schmaltzy music.] Virginia's legacy of solid principles and values is ingrained in me. Family, patriotism, justice, free enterprise, defense of our nation.

Is a never-ending supply of pablum a Virginia value too?

These are Virginia values, the ideals of my youth, and the hope of our future.

I hear Jim is also pro-strength and anti-troubles! He's our guy!

I'm not going to be about labels and "us against them."

Yeah, that's because, lately, your label sucks in Virginia as the election results clearly illustrate!

I'm about applying these great principles for the good of Virginia and the good of the nation. That's who I am and that's why I'm running, to represent Virginians, all of them, in the United States Senate.

I'm pretty sure Gilmore refers to Virginians as "all of them" instead of something inclusive like "all of us" - a real man of the people that Gilmore is.

Compare all of this with Mark Warner's bright, upbeat video that actually lists actual accomplishments as Governor:

We started up with a deficit, but we ended with a surplus. Virginia was named the best managed state in America. We were named the best place to do business and the best place for a child to learn.

The choice is clear, even if Jim Gilmore's rationale for running isn't. (By the way, if Gilmore thinks he can get through the campaign without using the words "Bush," "Iraq," or "Republican," like he tries to do in this video, he has another thing coming.)